Throughout life we experience many different types of social encounters, some leading to strong long-lasting bonds, whilst other being in our life for a brief period; our families, friends, work colleagues, even strangers we pass by, they are all part of these encounters. As our purest form of the self is made of energy, each encounter creates a different frequency. This is based on the interaction between our energy and their energy. Therefore, the toxicity in any relationship is created by the two energies. As the saying goes “we meet people for a reason, a season or a lifetime”, we can understand that each one comes with a purpose and a lesson. As it is the energy that brings two people together, we can realise that we attract the type that we put to the universe. Whilst sometimes it can be confusing to rationalise why a specific person has come into our life, it is important to acknowledge that we contributed to this social encounter as much as they did. Of course, the way a person behaves cannot be controlled by another, but what you can control is the way you perceive and react to it. Whilst there is no prediction of how any relationship we form will be like, we can focus in aligning ourselves energetically in a way that attracts and maintains a harmonious state within and therefore externally.
LEARN TO LOVE YOURSELF
Love is the most powerful feeling. We often think that love can heal, that it can hurt, that love can make us happy or sad. Actually, love doesn’t cause any of these emotions, it is our perception of the experience that generalises it and creates a state. The best way to remove toxic relationships is by learning to love yourself first. The truth is that most of us think we do this very well, but it’s not as easy as it sounds. Learning to love yourself requires a lot of patience. You first must get to know yourself completely to be able to love every part of you. This also requires forgiveness and acknowledging parts that maybe you are uncomfortable with as you get to remove the layers you have coated yourself with (metaphorically speaking of course). Although it is one of the most difficult relationships to create, it is also the most important you will ever have. The relationship you have with yourself, defines the course of all the relationships you have in your life. Do you respect yourself and honour your physical body? Are you kind to your emotional self, allowing yourself to feel with no judgement? Do you think kindly of yourself and affirm positive, empowering self-talk? Do you trust yourself completely? These are all aspects we must work through in order to be able to proceed with creating long lasting, healthy and harmonious relationships with others around us.
RESPECT YOUR BOUNDARIES
The word boundary can sound quite limiting and perhaps even negative to some, but creating boundaries in all of our social relationships is a healthy way to express what you are able to give and receive at this point. It allows you to express freely without feeling any rejection or by overwhelming yourself. Boundaries can be of different kinds. They could be physical boundaries, such as establishing your comfortable space of touch. For example, some people don’t like to be hugged or touched. Even if it comes in the most loving way, this is not their comfortable space and it should be respected. There can be emotional boundaries, such as sharing feelings and emotions. Not everybody can do so freely, some people don’t know how to, or they might require some time and again this should be respected. There can be vocal boundaries, such as sharing information freely. Not everybody likes or feels comfortable to speak about certain aspects of their life, no matter how small they may appear. So, what are your boundaries? There is no need to create any if you feel you are able to express yourself freely in most aspects of your life. But if you do have some, honour these. Acknowledge them with no judgement, but complete openness to yourself. And when you are ready, work through them. Ask yourself why you have these and if you would like to remove some by working on them. There is no need to force yourself into anything. Your boundaries are yours and they are part of your uniqueness. Respect yourself just the way you are. Establishing your own boundaries will also free you in sharing these with others so that they know where you stand and they can also respect these, just as you should respect theirs.
SPEAK YOUR TRUTH
This is by far one of the most important aspects of any relationship and in fact, in life in general. You must be able to completely be yourself, in order for the relationship to grow in a healthy state. Are you able to express your own truth? Can you speak up without the fear of being rejected? Fear can hold us back from so many beautiful experiences in life, sometimes without us being aware that it is fear itself doing so. We blame “failed” or “toxic” relationships on the other person or on everything else, but the truth is that we must also look at our own behaviours and energy we put into it. Speaking our truth is about expressing ourselves; vocalising our ideas, opinions, desires, wants and needs with clarity and freedom. To be able to do so, we need to find our truth and discover our authenticity, that part of the self that makes us as unique. Journaling is a wonderful way to explore your authenticity. At the end of each day, write down a few key events or experiences of your day and ask the following questions:
What was the situation?
How did I feel about it?
Did I express myself freely about this?
If no, what held me back from doing so?
How can I do so next time?
It is really important to start becoming comfortable with your own voice so that you can vocalise yourself. This will also give others the opportunity to know where you stand and what you are about.
CLEAN UP YOUR ENERGY
Our energetic self is a very sensitive part of our overall make-up. Some people can be very sensitive to external energies and without even realising, they pick these up for themselves. We can all experience darker shifts of energy, it’s part of being human. But we must also be able to clear these out so that we don’t continue to feed this negative pattern and release it out in the universe for others to pick it up, or for us to attract the same kind. The best way to clear up negative energy is to acknowledge it, accept it and then let it go. You can do so through your breath, visualising these dark foggy frequencies being released from within you with every exhale. You can do so through your journaling, by letting it go through writing them down on paper, therefore releasing them from your mind, body and soul. You can also do so by engaging in physical exercise and releasing all those happy endorphins which will balance out your internal emotional state; or you can practice meditation. Whatever works for you, always release these before you go to sleep every night so that you can start a fresh day with a positive approach.
And finally, learn to not take everything so seriously. Life is a beautiful, adventurous journey that we have been given to experience and it’s ok to have some fun in the process. Express yourself through laughter, feelings of joy and excitement. Let your inner childish nature come out sometimes, it’s ok to do so. There is nothing more freeing than feeling completely content in the present moment, without over analysing, thinking or feeling too much. Just allow yourself to be.
Gratitude is something we can all experience. Being thankful creates a positive energy in your life which vibrates so strongly that it can also do so for others. In life we often take the approach of “The grass is always greener on the other side” but have we really stopped to look at our own garden and how beautifully it can blossom if we gave it the attention, love and kindness? This December, start reflecting on what you are grateful for. Once you start with a few aspects, you will realise just how many others will come to your mind. Shifting your mind to a more positive type of thinking will unconsciously bring more of the same energy into your life. December is the most powerful month to do so, as we approach the end of one year and get ready to start fresh for the next.
Here are 20 reminders of what you can be grateful for:
It’s the most wonderful time of the year they say, so why is it also considered one of the most stressful? Christmas time is supposed to be a festive season of celebrating love, joy and giving. But somehow, we have managed to make it a slightly dreaded period of the year. A study done by the American Psychological Association reveals that Christmas is indeed a time of stress and pressure for many, outlining the four main reasons why stress increases during Christmas period. Below are the winners:
NO PRESENTS RULE
Christmas is a time of giving. The metaphorical meaning of this could be giving our time, or a small but very sentimental gift. We don’t need to spend hundreds of dollars to feed each other’s egos, after all this is not at all what Christmas is about. Since two of the top causes of stress during Christmas time are related to buying presents and money, it is possible to shift our perception and eliminate the stressors. You and your family could skip the Christmas presents this year and instead add some extra money towards the Christmas dinner or a coffee outing for the whole family. Alternatively, you and your family could put in a small amount each and make a donation to the local animal shelter, homeless shelter or a charity dear to your heart. Instead of creating a fuss about something that is not really necessary, turn it into a good deed and give to those in need.
Spending time with our loved ones should not be a chore or a stressful activity at all, so why do we make it like that? Christmas is definitely a time when our social calendars fill up and before we know it, we have said yes to every invite. It’s no wonder then that we feel exhausted and stressed. During these times, we give so much of our energy externally that we can deplete ourselves from within. This can cause pressure on the mind and an overall feeling of being tired, because when we give too much of our energy to others, we feel depleted. So, to keep nourished, nurtured and healthy, make sure you take some time for yourself. This can be as simple as taking a walk alone in the nature, having a little nap, doing physical exercise, reading your favourite book, having coffee alone at your favourite café etc… Whatever you enjoy doing, take some time to do so. When we engage in activities we are passionate about, we fill our hearts with joy, energise our mind and connect with our authentic self. You will then feel more refreshed when the time comes to see everybody.
Instead of going out to purchase the latest and trendiest Christmas cards, get creative and make your own. All you need is some plane card paper, a couple of beautiful pens or markets, and a few props to add to it. Don’t forget to customise your message for each person, this will be the cherry on top. This activity is great for activating the creative side of your brain but it’s also fun. Some of you may think that this requires time you don’t have or that you are not a very creative person. These are just excuses which come from your self-limiting beliefs. Everybody has a little bit of creativity within themselves and if you think you don’t make it more of a reason to discover this. Take an hour of your day to focus on this, as it is good for the soul, the mind and the emotional self. You might surprise yourself with how lovely they turn out, all whilst you are actually putting your most powerful tools in action, your mind your imagination and your passion. As it is something you create that comes from a pure, giving intention, your cards will bring a beautiful energy to the festive season celebrations.